The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth

The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth
by Linda Miles, Ph.D. & Robert Miles, M.D.
Paperback, 144pp. ISBN: 1879384396
Cypress House, October 2000

Review by Sheri Stritof

The authors begin this book on how to put your relationship back on track with the question, "What is happening to relationships?" Giving some historical background about marriage, they point out the changes that have happened in marriages. This book was written to help couples make sense of their suffering and to teach them how to enjoy the benefits that can result from being in a long-term, meaningful relationship. It will also help those who may be living in a dead relationship to recognize it as such and to move on.

Drawing on the wisdom of other psychologists, therapists, researchers, and writers, Linda and Robert Miles share their philosophy of marriage in a non-jargon way. They use real-life examples of couple relationships that many people will be able to identify with.

Some statements from The New Marriage:


"The term "New Marriage" in no ways suggests that people should dispose of current partners or troubled relationships and start over with someone new. On the contrary, the term is used to remind us of today's new relationship dynamic and how couples might redefine and renew their relationships to make them stronger. A "New Marriage" can refer to newlyweds who are just beginning their journey, to remarriages of those stalled in the valley, or to long-term couples."
"We've never seen an open marriage save a relationship or succeed over time."
"John Gottman found that the most often-reported reason for a dying marriage was not because couples fought too often or because there'd been an affair, but because they grew apart and there was deadness between them."
"...what separates happy couples from unhappy couples is not whether they have problems, but how they approach them."
If it seems as the honeymoon is over, and apathy has set in, this practical and insightful guide could help you get your marriage back on track. It is a guide to help you know where you are going and to provide a road map for getting there. However, for it to truly be beneficial to your relationship, you will need to answer the questions in the exercises for each part and to be willing to let go of your psychological baggage from your past.

Drs. Linda and Robert Miles have included an index and a great list of resources which would be helpful to couples who want to continue to deepen their marital relationship. It is refreshing to read a book about marriage that speaks of joy within marriage.

The New Marriage is a finalist in the ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards (self-help category). It has been receiving positive feedback from both individuals and therapists