The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth
by Linda Miles, Ph.D. & Robert Miles, M.D.
Paperback, 144pp. ISBN: 1879384396
Cypress House, October 2000
Review by Sheri Stritof
The authors begin this book on how to put your relationship back on track with the question, "What is happening to relationships?" Giving some historical background about marriage, they point out the changes that have happened in marriages. This book was written to help couples make sense of their suffering and to teach them how to enjoy the benefits that can result from being in a long-term, meaningful relationship. It will also help those who may be living in a dead relationship to recognize it as such and to move on.
Drawing on the wisdom of other psychologists, therapists, researchers, and writers, Linda and Robert Miles share their philosophy of marriage in a non-jargon way. They use real-life examples of couple relationships that many people will be able to identify with.
Some statements from The New Marriage:
"The term "New Marriage" in no ways suggests that people should dispose of current partners or troubled relationships and start over with someone new. On the contrary, the term is used to remind us of today's new relationship dynamic and how couples might redefine and renew their relationships to make them stronger. A "New Marriage" can refer to newlyweds who are just beginning their journey, to remarriages of those stalled in the valley, or to long-term couples."
"We've never seen an open marriage save a relationship or succeed over time."
"John Gottman found that the most often-reported reason for a dying marriage was not because couples fought too often or because there'd been an affair, but because they grew apart and there was deadness between them."
"...what separates happy couples from unhappy couples is not whether they have problems, but how they approach them."
If it seems as the honeymoon is over, and apathy has set in, this practical and insightful guide could help you get your marriage back on track. It is a guide to help you know where you are going and to provide a road map for getting there. However, for it to truly be beneficial to your relationship, you will need to answer the questions in the exercises for each part and to be willing to let go of your psychological baggage from your past.
Drs. Linda and Robert Miles have included an index and a great list of resources which would be helpful to couples who want to continue to deepen their marital relationship. It is refreshing to read a book about marriage that speaks of joy within marriage.
The New Marriage is a finalist in the ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards (self-help category). It has been receiving positive feedback from both individuals and therapists
Thursday 10 March 2011
Do Muslims date? If they don't, how do they decide whom to marry?
Question: Do Muslims date? If they don't, how do they decide whom to marry?
Answer: "Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims. Young Muslim men and women (or boys and girls) do not enter into one-on-one intimate relationships, spending time alone together, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex is forbidden.
Why?
The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.
How do potential spouses meet?
First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when they are young continues throughout their lives, and serves as a network to become familiar with other families. When a young person decides to get married, the following steps often take place:
The young person makes du'a for Allah to help him or her find the right person.
The family enquires, discusses, and suggests candidates from among the network of people that they know. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting.
If the young couple and their families agree, the couple meets in a chaperoned, group environment. Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." The Prophet also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them." When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to "lower their gaze and guard their modesty...." Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.
If the couple seems compatible, the families may investigate further - talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn about the character of the potential spouse.
Before making a final decision, the couple prays salat-l-istikhara (prayer for guidance) to seek Allah's help and guidance.
The couple agrees to pursue marriage or part ways. Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.
This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove successful in the long-term
Answer: "Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims. Young Muslim men and women (or boys and girls) do not enter into one-on-one intimate relationships, spending time alone together, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex is forbidden.
Why?
The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.
How do potential spouses meet?
First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when they are young continues throughout their lives, and serves as a network to become familiar with other families. When a young person decides to get married, the following steps often take place:
The young person makes du'a for Allah to help him or her find the right person.
The family enquires, discusses, and suggests candidates from among the network of people that they know. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting.
If the young couple and their families agree, the couple meets in a chaperoned, group environment. Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." The Prophet also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them." When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to "lower their gaze and guard their modesty...." Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.
If the couple seems compatible, the families may investigate further - talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn about the character of the potential spouse.
Before making a final decision, the couple prays salat-l-istikhara (prayer for guidance) to seek Allah's help and guidance.
The couple agrees to pursue marriage or part ways. Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.
This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove successful in the long-term
Punitive Articles of the UCMJ
“(a) Any person subject to this chapter who commits an act of sexual intercourse by force and without consent, is guilty of rape and shall be punished by death or such other punishment as a court-martial may direct.”
(b) Any person subject to this chapter who, under circumstances not amounting to rape, commits an act of sexual intercourse with a person—
(1) who is not his or her spouse; and
(2) who has not attained the age of sixteen years, is guilty of carnal knowledge and shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.
(c) Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete either of these offenses.
(d)
(1) In a prosecution under subsection (b), it is an affirmative defense that—
(A) the person with whom the accused committed the act of sexual intercourse had at the time of the alleged offense attained the age of twelve years; and
(B) the accused reasonably believed that the person had at the time of the alleged offense attained the age of 16 years.
(2) The accused has the burden of proving a defense under subparagraph (d)(1) by a preponderance of the evidence.
Elements.
(1) Rape.
(a) That the accused committed an act of sexual intercourse; and
(b) That the act of sexual intercourse was done by force and without consent.
(2) Carnal knowledge.
(a) That the accused committed an act of sexual intercourse with a certain person;
(b) That the person was not the accused’s spouse; and
(c) That at the time of the sexual intercourse the person was under 16 years of age.
Explanation.
(1) Rape.
(a) Nature of offense. Rape is sexual intercourse by a person, executed by force and without consent of the victim. It may be committed on a victim of any age. Any penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.
(b) Force and lack of consent. Force and lack of consent are necessary to the offense. Thus, if the victim consents to the act, it is not rape. The lack of consent required, however, is more than mere lack of acquiescence. If a victim in possession of his or her mental faculties fails to make lack of consent reasonably manifest by taking such measures of resistance as are called for by the circumstances, the inference may be drawn that the victim did consent. Consent, however, may not be inferred if resistance would have been futile, where resistance is over-come by threats of death or great bodily harm, or where the victim is unable to resist because of the lack of mental or physical faculties. In such a case there is no consent and the force involved in penetration will suffice. All the surrounding circumstances are to be considered in determining whether a victim gave consent, or whether he or she failed or ceased to resist only because of a reasonable fear of death or grievous bodily harm. If there is actual consent, although obtained by fraud, the act is not rape, but if to the accused’s knowledge the victim is of unsound mind or unconscious to an extent rendering him or her incapable of giving consent, the act is rape. Likewise, the acquiescence of a child of such tender years that he or she is incapable of under-standing the nature of the act is not consent.
(c) Character of victim. See Mil. R. Evid. 412, concerning rules of evidence relating to an alleged rape victim’s character.
(2) Carnal knowledge. “Carnal knowledge” i s sexual intercourse under circumstances not amounting to rape, with a person who is not the accused’s spouse and who has not attained the age of 16 years. Any penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense. It is a defense, however, which the accused must prove by a preponderance of the evidence, that at the time of the act of sexual intercourse, the person with whom the accused committed the act of sexual intercourse was at least 12 years of age, and that the accused reasonably believed that this same person was at least 16 years of age
(b) Any person subject to this chapter who, under circumstances not amounting to rape, commits an act of sexual intercourse with a person—
(1) who is not his or her spouse; and
(2) who has not attained the age of sixteen years, is guilty of carnal knowledge and shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.
(c) Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete either of these offenses.
(d)
(1) In a prosecution under subsection (b), it is an affirmative defense that—
(A) the person with whom the accused committed the act of sexual intercourse had at the time of the alleged offense attained the age of twelve years; and
(B) the accused reasonably believed that the person had at the time of the alleged offense attained the age of 16 years.
(2) The accused has the burden of proving a defense under subparagraph (d)(1) by a preponderance of the evidence.
Elements.
(1) Rape.
(a) That the accused committed an act of sexual intercourse; and
(b) That the act of sexual intercourse was done by force and without consent.
(2) Carnal knowledge.
(a) That the accused committed an act of sexual intercourse with a certain person;
(b) That the person was not the accused’s spouse; and
(c) That at the time of the sexual intercourse the person was under 16 years of age.
Explanation.
(1) Rape.
(a) Nature of offense. Rape is sexual intercourse by a person, executed by force and without consent of the victim. It may be committed on a victim of any age. Any penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.
(b) Force and lack of consent. Force and lack of consent are necessary to the offense. Thus, if the victim consents to the act, it is not rape. The lack of consent required, however, is more than mere lack of acquiescence. If a victim in possession of his or her mental faculties fails to make lack of consent reasonably manifest by taking such measures of resistance as are called for by the circumstances, the inference may be drawn that the victim did consent. Consent, however, may not be inferred if resistance would have been futile, where resistance is over-come by threats of death or great bodily harm, or where the victim is unable to resist because of the lack of mental or physical faculties. In such a case there is no consent and the force involved in penetration will suffice. All the surrounding circumstances are to be considered in determining whether a victim gave consent, or whether he or she failed or ceased to resist only because of a reasonable fear of death or grievous bodily harm. If there is actual consent, although obtained by fraud, the act is not rape, but if to the accused’s knowledge the victim is of unsound mind or unconscious to an extent rendering him or her incapable of giving consent, the act is rape. Likewise, the acquiescence of a child of such tender years that he or she is incapable of under-standing the nature of the act is not consent.
(c) Character of victim. See Mil. R. Evid. 412, concerning rules of evidence relating to an alleged rape victim’s character.
(2) Carnal knowledge. “Carnal knowledge” i s sexual intercourse under circumstances not amounting to rape, with a person who is not the accused’s spouse and who has not attained the age of 16 years. Any penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense. It is a defense, however, which the accused must prove by a preponderance of the evidence, that at the time of the act of sexual intercourse, the person with whom the accused committed the act of sexual intercourse was at least 12 years of age, and that the accused reasonably believed that this same person was at least 16 years of age
Arab Man Convicted of Rape By Deception
On Monday the Jerusalem District Court sentenced 30-year-old Sabar Kashour to 18-months in prison after he told a Jewish woman that he too was Jewish before they had consensual sex. When it was later revealed that Kashour was a married Arab man the woman called the police. The case ended up in court where Kashour was convicted of rape and ordered to pay NIS 10,000 (about $2,800) to the woman as compensation.
Judge Tzvi Segal said that the situation was not a case of "classical rape by force," but added that if the woman "hadn't thought the accused was a Jewish bachelor interested in a serious romantic relationship, she would not have cooperated."
Kashour's sentence has prompted some to ask: Since when has consensual sex by deceit been rape? "If any married man who has ever lied in order to get sex would be charged with rape, there would be no room in our prisons," wrote Sima Kadmon, who later added, "What if someone... told a woman that he is a wealthy single man, while he was in fact poor and married? Would he too be convicted of rape?"
Gideon Levy, a liberal Israeli commentator, has also taken issue with the verdict, saying: "I would like to raise only one question with the judge. What if this guy had been a Jew who pretended to be a Muslim and had sex with a Muslim woman?"
Judge Tzvi Segal said that the situation was not a case of "classical rape by force," but added that if the woman "hadn't thought the accused was a Jewish bachelor interested in a serious romantic relationship, she would not have cooperated."
Kashour's sentence has prompted some to ask: Since when has consensual sex by deceit been rape? "If any married man who has ever lied in order to get sex would be charged with rape, there would be no room in our prisons," wrote Sima Kadmon, who later added, "What if someone... told a woman that he is a wealthy single man, while he was in fact poor and married? Would he too be convicted of rape?"
Gideon Levy, a liberal Israeli commentator, has also taken issue with the verdict, saying: "I would like to raise only one question with the judge. What if this guy had been a Jew who pretended to be a Muslim and had sex with a Muslim woman?"
Married Life in Islam
And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Qur'an 30:21)
In the Qur'an, the marriage relationship is described as one with "tranquility," "love" and "mercy." Elsewhere in the Qur'an, husband and wife are described as "garments" for each other (2:187). Garments offer protection, comfort, modesty, and warmth. Above all, the Qur'an describes that the best garment is the "garment of God-consciousness" (7:26).
Muslims view marriage as the foundation of society and family life. In a practical aspect, Islamic marriage is thus structured through legally-enforceable rights and duties of both parties. In an atmosphere of love and respect, these rights and duties provide a framework for the balance of family life and the fulfillment of both partners.
General Rights
To be treated with honor, kindness, and patience.
To enjoy intimate relations with each other.
To have children, by God's will.
To keep one's legal and personal identity after marriage, retaining one's own family name, inheritance rights, property, mahr, etc.
General Duties
To be faithful to the marriage bond.
To strive to be attractive to one's spouse.
To assist and support one another, and to resolve disputes amicably.
The husband has the duty to provide all physical maintenance of the family (housing, clothing, food, medical care, etc.).
In the Qur'an, the marriage relationship is described as one with "tranquility," "love" and "mercy." Elsewhere in the Qur'an, husband and wife are described as "garments" for each other (2:187). Garments offer protection, comfort, modesty, and warmth. Above all, the Qur'an describes that the best garment is the "garment of God-consciousness" (7:26).
Muslims view marriage as the foundation of society and family life. In a practical aspect, Islamic marriage is thus structured through legally-enforceable rights and duties of both parties. In an atmosphere of love and respect, these rights and duties provide a framework for the balance of family life and the fulfillment of both partners.
General Rights
To be treated with honor, kindness, and patience.
To enjoy intimate relations with each other.
To have children, by God's will.
To keep one's legal and personal identity after marriage, retaining one's own family name, inheritance rights, property, mahr, etc.
General Duties
To be faithful to the marriage bond.
To strive to be attractive to one's spouse.
To assist and support one another, and to resolve disputes amicably.
The husband has the duty to provide all physical maintenance of the family (housing, clothing, food, medical care, etc.).
Do Muslims date? If they don't, how do they decide whom to marry?
Question: Do Muslims date? If they don't, how do they decide whom to marry?
Answer: "Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims. Young Muslim men and women (or boys and girls) do not enter into one-on-one intimate relationships, spending time alone together, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex is forbidden.
Why?
The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.
How do potential spouses meet?
First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when they are young continues throughout their lives, and serves as a network to become familiar with other families. When a young person decides to get married, the following steps often take place:
The young person makes du'a for Allah to help him or her find the right person.
The family enquires, discusses, and suggests candidates from among the network of people that they know. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting.
If the young couple and their families agree, the couple meets in a chaperoned, group environment. Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." The Prophet also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them." When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to "lower their gaze and guard their modesty...." Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.
If the couple seems compatible, the families may investigate further - talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn about the character of the potential spouse.
Before making a final decision, the couple prays salat-l-istikhara (prayer for guidance) to seek Allah's help and guidance.
The couple agrees to pursue marriage or part ways. Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.
This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove successful in the long-term.
Answer: "Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims. Young Muslim men and women (or boys and girls) do not enter into one-on-one intimate relationships, spending time alone together, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex is forbidden.
Why?
The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.
How do potential spouses meet?
First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when they are young continues throughout their lives, and serves as a network to become familiar with other families. When a young person decides to get married, the following steps often take place:
The young person makes du'a for Allah to help him or her find the right person.
The family enquires, discusses, and suggests candidates from among the network of people that they know. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting.
If the young couple and their families agree, the couple meets in a chaperoned, group environment. Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)." The Prophet also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them." When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to "lower their gaze and guard their modesty...." Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.
If the couple seems compatible, the families may investigate further - talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn about the character of the potential spouse.
Before making a final decision, the couple prays salat-l-istikhara (prayer for guidance) to seek Allah's help and guidance.
The couple agrees to pursue marriage or part ways. Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.
This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove successful in the long-term.
How we met
How we met
I was raised to have a very humble nature, so I trusted my parents. All the decisions they made for me were in the interest of my future and my happiness. Therefore I let them decide, and they arranged my marriage. My husband came once to see me, but I did not notice him. I only saw him on our wedding day; I first spoke to him on our wedding night.
How I Did It:
I remember when I first talked to him, I told him that I wear hijab. He was a little upset and said, 'Your parents didn't mention it.' So I told him, "Now is the time for you to decide if you still accept me or not, because I wear hijab in obedience to Allah's order. Therefore I can't remove it for the sake of a human.' He really got worried about my answer, and asked me, 'Why you say it like this?' I told him that if we're going to start a new life, I don't want to start it by disobeying Allah. I said, 'After marriage I will be your wife so I can't lead you in a wrong direction.' After that he really appreciated me.
Advice
For this kind of marriage, you really need a lot of patience and understanding. We were raised in totally different environments, so our thinking and lifestyles were totally different. We didn't know each other's ideas or needs, and it takes time. Both should have patience. Please, my dear sisters and brothers, spend time listening to your spouse, and please take care of your Islamic knowledge before you think about marriage. Because if you build your life on Islam it will never go wrong.
Was yours an arranged marriage?
I was raised to have a very humble nature, so I trusted my parents. All the decisions they made for me were in the interest of my future and my happiness. Therefore I let them decide, and they arranged my marriage. My husband came once to see me, but I did not notice him. I only saw him on our wedding day; I first spoke to him on our wedding night.
How I Did It:
I remember when I first talked to him, I told him that I wear hijab. He was a little upset and said, 'Your parents didn't mention it.' So I told him, "Now is the time for you to decide if you still accept me or not, because I wear hijab in obedience to Allah's order. Therefore I can't remove it for the sake of a human.' He really got worried about my answer, and asked me, 'Why you say it like this?' I told him that if we're going to start a new life, I don't want to start it by disobeying Allah. I said, 'After marriage I will be your wife so I can't lead you in a wrong direction.' After that he really appreciated me.
Advice
For this kind of marriage, you really need a lot of patience and understanding. We were raised in totally different environments, so our thinking and lifestyles were totally different. We didn't know each other's ideas or needs, and it takes time. Both should have patience. Please, my dear sisters and brothers, spend time listening to your spouse, and please take care of your Islamic knowledge before you think about marriage. Because if you build your life on Islam it will never go wrong.
Was yours an arranged marriage?
How Safe Are Websites That Are Geared Toward Finding A Future Husband/Wife?
How Safe Are Websites That Are Geared Toward Finding A Future Husband/Wife?
"Parents seeking correspondence for the marriage of their daughter. She is an honest, caring and religious young lady. Only parents or other responsible family member of interested party respond.
The technological age has completely transformed how Muslims find potential spouses. Traditionally, Muslim families seek suitable mates for their adult children through their network of family, friends and neighbors. However, with the onset of the internet and the different dynamics of families, these traditions have changed. Families are not as well-connected due to moving long distance because of work and other such circumstances. This has made networking among friend and family much more difficult. Thanks to the internet, Muslims who are looking for a mate are no longer confined to their families small social network.
Islamic matrimonial sites are an aide in this process. They are different from ordinary dating services, because people who come to these sites are typically seeking an Islamic marriage.
It's essential that you are cautious when trying to find a mate over the internet. The internet is a tool that allows people to remain anonymous, which allows people to put their best side forward. There are several Islamic guidelines that will help you stay safe if you choose to try and find a spouse through this route.
Instead of communicating directly with a suitor, have a Wali, or trusted guardian, act as your contact person.
Have this person screen any potential candidates carefully. Make sure they talk to other Muslims in the suitor's community to find out more about this person.
Under no circumstances should you meet someone who hasn't been fully screened. You should always meet in a public setting. Never meet a suitor alone, have a trusted friend or family member with you.
Involve friends and family in your search, and seek their advice and counsel.
Choose an online matrimonial site that is specifically designed for Muslims, not "dating" sites where you can simply screen candidates by religion.
Wondering just how safe are websites that help people connect with potential spouses? Get the low down now in our overview of the best Muslim Marriage Websites and Muslim Marriage Articles - Guides and Advice.
"Parents seeking correspondence for the marriage of their daughter. She is an honest, caring and religious young lady. Only parents or other responsible family member of interested party respond.
The technological age has completely transformed how Muslims find potential spouses. Traditionally, Muslim families seek suitable mates for their adult children through their network of family, friends and neighbors. However, with the onset of the internet and the different dynamics of families, these traditions have changed. Families are not as well-connected due to moving long distance because of work and other such circumstances. This has made networking among friend and family much more difficult. Thanks to the internet, Muslims who are looking for a mate are no longer confined to their families small social network.
Islamic matrimonial sites are an aide in this process. They are different from ordinary dating services, because people who come to these sites are typically seeking an Islamic marriage.
It's essential that you are cautious when trying to find a mate over the internet. The internet is a tool that allows people to remain anonymous, which allows people to put their best side forward. There are several Islamic guidelines that will help you stay safe if you choose to try and find a spouse through this route.
Instead of communicating directly with a suitor, have a Wali, or trusted guardian, act as your contact person.
Have this person screen any potential candidates carefully. Make sure they talk to other Muslims in the suitor's community to find out more about this person.
Under no circumstances should you meet someone who hasn't been fully screened. You should always meet in a public setting. Never meet a suitor alone, have a trusted friend or family member with you.
Involve friends and family in your search, and seek their advice and counsel.
Choose an online matrimonial site that is specifically designed for Muslims, not "dating" sites where you can simply screen candidates by religion.
Wondering just how safe are websites that help people connect with potential spouses? Get the low down now in our overview of the best Muslim Marriage Websites and Muslim Marriage Articles - Guides and Advice.
Facts To Know Regarding Online Matchmaking Websites
Facts To Know Regarding Online Matchmaking Websites
Online matchmaking is finally catering to Arabs and Muslims around the world. The demand for high quality websites that offer great matchmaking services to Arabs and Muslims is very high.
Online love is nothing new. But it is only recently, however, that sites have started to target Arab and Muslim communities, catering specifically to their needs worldwide. In this article we will share with you some tips to make your experience successful.
TIPS FOR SUCCESS:
If you were to consult Ahmed, he would tell you that online relationships will work when both sides are trustworthy and balanced. However, he will concede that in order for a relationship to grow, meeting in person through the preliminary process is very necessary.
Nasser has equally important tips for those interested in online matchmaking: take it slowly, communicate anonymously, and give out your personal contact information only when you are ready. Ask for references, including family, friends, or the local imam, call these people, talk to them, or if your family is supporting your search, have one of your family members check the references. If possible, arrange a meeting between you, him, and both your families, or with your walli (for women).
You will find that this might neutralize any potential risks. Nasser suggests that after you have checked with references that he might have submitted and met the family, does it still even matter where the two of you initially met?
"My final bit of advice for matrimonial advertisers is that as much as it is important to take it slow, it is equally important to open your heart," Nasser added. "The right person for you, the one that Allah has destined for you, is out there, but you will never meet him or her unless you are willing to share something of yourself. Be brave. Everyone deserves a shot at happiness. Don't look for the one who is perfect, but for the one who is right. So be bold and take a chance."
Online matchmaking is finally catering to Arabs and Muslims around the world. The demand for high quality websites that offer great matchmaking services to Arabs and Muslims is very high.
Online love is nothing new. But it is only recently, however, that sites have started to target Arab and Muslim communities, catering specifically to their needs worldwide. In this article we will share with you some tips to make your experience successful.
TIPS FOR SUCCESS:
If you were to consult Ahmed, he would tell you that online relationships will work when both sides are trustworthy and balanced. However, he will concede that in order for a relationship to grow, meeting in person through the preliminary process is very necessary.
Nasser has equally important tips for those interested in online matchmaking: take it slowly, communicate anonymously, and give out your personal contact information only when you are ready. Ask for references, including family, friends, or the local imam, call these people, talk to them, or if your family is supporting your search, have one of your family members check the references. If possible, arrange a meeting between you, him, and both your families, or with your walli (for women).
You will find that this might neutralize any potential risks. Nasser suggests that after you have checked with references that he might have submitted and met the family, does it still even matter where the two of you initially met?
"My final bit of advice for matrimonial advertisers is that as much as it is important to take it slow, it is equally important to open your heart," Nasser added. "The right person for you, the one that Allah has destined for you, is out there, but you will never meet him or her unless you are willing to share something of yourself. Be brave. Everyone deserves a shot at happiness. Don't look for the one who is perfect, but for the one who is right. So be bold and take a chance."
Muslim Marriage Online - Advantage & Disadvantages
Muslim Marriage Online - Advantage & Disadvantages
There are sites that are aimed toward Muslims to find marriage online. This will show you some of the Muslim marriage online - advantage & disadvantages of using the service.
Look At Profiles Carefully
Using these sites make it easier for you to find a partner that is Muslim to marry. An online search can help you find the perfect partner, and online sites make it easy for you to find them. While you are at home, you can look over profiles from the convenience of your home whenever you have the time. Be aware that some people do use these sites to find something extra and not marriage through the use of fake profiles. Some of them are done to look for personal information and are used in the process of identity theft, so spend time in finding a site that really is using marriage as the ultimate goal since the better sites will take measures to ensure a good experience for all.
Making The Most Of Photos
Muslim marriage online sites make it easier to say 'no' as you do not have to meet the girl/boy in person. You don't even have to meet the person physically to judge his/her looks. This saves you from hurting those people that have been rejected by you due to looks. However, many people upload photographs that are clicked in special studios to make them look better than what they actually are. Such practices lead to wastage of time, money, and are disappointing.
Other points
Many of these sites charge for the services, and some will take advantage of this by charging high prices. Before you become a member of any site, take some time to read reviews on them. This will help you find a site that has a good reputation with results that you want. Cheap sites can save you money, but they may not be the best choice. Since you are looking for a spouse for love and happiness, don't base the site on simply money.
Online matrimonial provide a wide variety of profiles to choose from. No matter to what Muslim caste you belong, there is a perfect partner available online for every Muslim.
Looking for more info on Muslim Marriage Online - Advantage & Disadvantages? Get the low down on Muslim Marriage Articles - Guides and Advice .
There are sites that are aimed toward Muslims to find marriage online. This will show you some of the Muslim marriage online - advantage & disadvantages of using the service.
Look At Profiles Carefully
Using these sites make it easier for you to find a partner that is Muslim to marry. An online search can help you find the perfect partner, and online sites make it easy for you to find them. While you are at home, you can look over profiles from the convenience of your home whenever you have the time. Be aware that some people do use these sites to find something extra and not marriage through the use of fake profiles. Some of them are done to look for personal information and are used in the process of identity theft, so spend time in finding a site that really is using marriage as the ultimate goal since the better sites will take measures to ensure a good experience for all.
Making The Most Of Photos
Muslim marriage online sites make it easier to say 'no' as you do not have to meet the girl/boy in person. You don't even have to meet the person physically to judge his/her looks. This saves you from hurting those people that have been rejected by you due to looks. However, many people upload photographs that are clicked in special studios to make them look better than what they actually are. Such practices lead to wastage of time, money, and are disappointing.
Other points
Many of these sites charge for the services, and some will take advantage of this by charging high prices. Before you become a member of any site, take some time to read reviews on them. This will help you find a site that has a good reputation with results that you want. Cheap sites can save you money, but they may not be the best choice. Since you are looking for a spouse for love and happiness, don't base the site on simply money.
Online matrimonial provide a wide variety of profiles to choose from. No matter to what Muslim caste you belong, there is a perfect partner available online for every Muslim.
Looking for more info on Muslim Marriage Online - Advantage & Disadvantages? Get the low down on Muslim Marriage Articles - Guides and Advice .
The Increasing Appeal Of Muslim Marriage Websites
The Increasing Appeal Of Muslim Marriage Websites
by Yosef Mohammed
Over the past several years, the world of dating has been completely transformed and altered to a more secular and wide reaching approach toward the internet. In fact, more people are now turning toward websites and online dating more than the traditional approaches of crowded bars and other conventional means of meeting people. With this being a very common occurrence, Muslims are now discovering the incredible use of Muslim marriage websites overall.
Online dating has definitely come a very long way from original inception and has provided a revolutionary offering of what is always crucial and critical in wanting to meet someone. With such appeal growing within this type of offering, there is not an incredible amount of people that wish to find the right site for them. For Muslims, there are definitely very specific sites that are created just for them in this process.
Dating and marriage sites for Muslims are a bit different than normal dating sites as there are very specific and higher standards offered for those in the Muslim world. With this being said, there is actually a very specific standard profile set that is created for those that wish to join this site. As such, more Muslims each day are definitely finding these sites to be incredibly appealing to use overall.
Muslim marriage websites, very much like other types of dating websites, are actually geared more toward pictures and profile offerings. Singles are able to find one another on an initial physical attraction level within the very first stages of matching . Thus, there are an amazing and growing amount of people finding this process even more appealing overall.
With any profile creation, there should be very specific and actual questions that are asked on the profile creation that all add up to a very specific offering and appeal. This is something which is important to know and understand in any selection process to begin with. On these sites, there are very specific and culturally motivated questions that are answered to provide a very specific dating appeal.
As each Muslim is often very careful in how they choose what site to use, there is also the appeal of finding a site that offers a free trial. The profile creation and browsing should all be free of charge and there should also be a host of other free features that are at least for a limited amount of time. Thus, these sites should be used first.
With Muslim marriage websites being geared more toward marriage as opposed to dating, one should seriously consider the format of which they are able to find a life partner. This makes for much more specific selection criteria. It also should be very well advertised on this site.
Yosef Mohammed is very active in Muslim Marriage Websites and services. He personally reviews and rates the services available for the single Muslims worldwide.
by Yosef Mohammed
Over the past several years, the world of dating has been completely transformed and altered to a more secular and wide reaching approach toward the internet. In fact, more people are now turning toward websites and online dating more than the traditional approaches of crowded bars and other conventional means of meeting people. With this being a very common occurrence, Muslims are now discovering the incredible use of Muslim marriage websites overall.
Online dating has definitely come a very long way from original inception and has provided a revolutionary offering of what is always crucial and critical in wanting to meet someone. With such appeal growing within this type of offering, there is not an incredible amount of people that wish to find the right site for them. For Muslims, there are definitely very specific sites that are created just for them in this process.
Dating and marriage sites for Muslims are a bit different than normal dating sites as there are very specific and higher standards offered for those in the Muslim world. With this being said, there is actually a very specific standard profile set that is created for those that wish to join this site. As such, more Muslims each day are definitely finding these sites to be incredibly appealing to use overall.
Muslim marriage websites, very much like other types of dating websites, are actually geared more toward pictures and profile offerings. Singles are able to find one another on an initial physical attraction level within the very first stages of matching . Thus, there are an amazing and growing amount of people finding this process even more appealing overall.
With any profile creation, there should be very specific and actual questions that are asked on the profile creation that all add up to a very specific offering and appeal. This is something which is important to know and understand in any selection process to begin with. On these sites, there are very specific and culturally motivated questions that are answered to provide a very specific dating appeal.
As each Muslim is often very careful in how they choose what site to use, there is also the appeal of finding a site that offers a free trial. The profile creation and browsing should all be free of charge and there should also be a host of other free features that are at least for a limited amount of time. Thus, these sites should be used first.
With Muslim marriage websites being geared more toward marriage as opposed to dating, one should seriously consider the format of which they are able to find a life partner. This makes for much more specific selection criteria. It also should be very well advertised on this site.
Yosef Mohammed is very active in Muslim Marriage Websites and services. He personally reviews and rates the services available for the single Muslims worldwide.
Friday 4 March 2011
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